I think this thing runs deeper than I am willing to admit. I don’t sleep. At all. It’s like my brain won’t take a rest. I’ve wanted to cry for what feels like months and there is nothing I can do to make it happen. It’s so frustrating that I makes me want to cry even more. The aggression I release on the people who test me and fight me only equates to the anger and sadness that my body feels. Some would say this relates to a deep depression. I don’t really feel it. Must be hidden. I smile too much to be depressed. The joy I feel is through music and the company of an individual whose issues I can’t even begin to imagine. The psychologist trys to give me medicines. I hate them. They have shown their potency to the amount that it has affected me school performance. I got shamed for my attendance for the first time in my life. I’m getting c’s for the first time since my sophomore year in high school. I can get high and forget for a little and feel relaxed but it’s no solution. I can drink and dance all I like but it will never release everything. I’ve gained a small addiction to nicotine and it kills me.  I’m starting to get frustrated with myself. 

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08Sep17

Life had changed a lot lately. Not really sure if it’s for the better or not. God’s gonna take care of me. 


They’re in the tab on my blog under other


Skinnier thighs, pretty eyes, stuff figured out, a more controllable mouth, some grace, shorts with white lace, a more comfortable bed, for no one to ever be dead. 


I wish someone would take me up on my offer that way I could feel okay about my dues and actually get a decent TV. Please let something good happen to me. 


15Feb17

So overwhelmed that it hurts me. The future is so unknown and it scares me. Thankful for the words of encouragement I am given from the people around me. You’re what keeps me together. Now just to keep my dad together. 




Shyanna Chapman

Commitment, Honesty, Perseverance

ourlittlehero

This blog is about our 5 year old little boy Seth and his battle with Severe Combined Immune Deficiency (SCID). At the point of beginning this blog he is being considered for a second bone marrow transplant in order to save his life. My aim is to provide a real account of his history and progress through diary entries, pictures and videos showing that the boy makes the most of his bubble!. I, his mother, will be the main contributor to this page, but its not about me. Comment, ask questions, do whatever you please this is not my page but ours. I hope that this provides others with information on tackling a condition that 30 years ago would have lead to death. As well as giving family and friends a place to keep up to date with the news of his journey. #wearyellowforseth

the beautiful ashes

"she puts her heart on paper. then the paper turns to gold."

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Long Distance Daughter

Support on the journey of caring for aging parents